7 Sneaky Ways People Will Manipulate You and How to Defend Yourself

Do you like being manipulated?

Of course not, but more often than not, you don’t even know it’s happening. Manipulation is “behavior designed to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others to one’s advantage.” It’s a fact of life. To get X, they must get you to do Y.

I’ve been on the end of manipulation thousands of times — my children are great at distorting facts.

But, the most prominent occurrence was when I was the Vice President of Acquisitions, buying expensive assets for large commercial aircraft. Sellers would distort information to try to manipulate me into making a buying decision. There’s even been a few cases of fraud over the years.

The best way to defend against manipulation is to know the ways people manipulate and how to protect yourself from such attacks:

Gaslighting: Manipulators try to distort or deny the truth to make you doubt your memory of events. You can also add “Factual Lies,” where one distorts the facts. Don’t accept everything you hear at face value. Always question assumptions and seek additional information.

Flattery: Manipulators will use excessive praise or compliments to make you feel valued and to gain your trust. Always be skeptical of excess flattery, and never let them cloud your judgment. Stay objective.

Isolation: Manipulators will try to limit your access to information, resources, or social support to make you more vulnerable and dependent. Build a network of supportive relationships and always seek alternative points of view outside of a “circle.”

Emotional blackmail: Manipulators will threaten to punish or harm you in some way if you don’t comply with their demands. Always keep your emotions in check.

Triangulation: Involves bringing a third party into a relationship to create tension or competition, often to gain control or influence. See this game for what it is, and yet again, maintain control of your emotions and behavior.

Projection: Manipulators will try to use your negative traits or behaviors against you, often to deflect blame or avoid responsibility. Develop self-awareness and work on building self-confidence.

Passive-aggressive behavior: Manipulators use indirect or subtle tactics to express their anger, frustration, or resentment, often to avoid confrontation or responsibility. Overcome this by being assertive and communicating clearly.

The best ways are the simplest: Know yourself, control your emotions, and always seek additional information.

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